


letter for my love

by jnobeano



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, Letters, M/M, Memories, donghyuck is dead, the dream members are sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:40:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24439846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jnobeano/pseuds/jnobeano
Summary: the morning of donghyuck's funeral, mark finds a familiar looking pad of paper and a pen, and decides to write one final letter to the love of his life.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 8
Kudos: 83





	letter for my love

**Author's Note:**

> another piece <3
> 
> dedicated to my dearest lee donghyuck, as it is my one year biasing him today!! this whole fic is basically markhyuck, but centred mostly around donghyuck.
> 
> i hope you enjoy :)

It’s early. Sunlight melts through the long windows along the walls of the living room; the birds are singing outdoors. Despite the perfect weather, the house remains devoid of happiness. 

Seven boys are dotted around the living room, all dressed in hoodies and sweats. Even though their attire is comfortable, they are far from it, knowing that their black suits lie in wait upstairs. Around them, others speak in hushed tones and broken whispers. All that is heard are the sniffles of several and sobs of others. There are no chirping birds in here. There is no sunlight.

One teal haired boy sits on the floor, leaning against the sofa behind him, trying to block out the pained cries of their youngest. There’s a pen discarded on the table, and beneath it a notepad that hasn’t been used in who knows how long. He remembers asking about it, but the response he got was, “I used to use it for writing when I’m sad, but I don’t anymore, because I have you.” 

It breaks him. 

There’s a yellow heart on the bottom of each page, and his lips turn down, thinking about how much it reminds him of... him. 

He feels the urge to take the pen, and write anything and everything down. His thoughts, his feelings, just one final talk with his boy.

So he does. 

\-- 

To: Lee Donghyuck.   
Date: 29th May.

Hi.

I honestly have no idea where to start. 

Firstly, hi my love. My Donghyuck, my sunshine, my everything. 

How are you? I hope you’re doing well up there. I bet all the angels were shocked when you arrived in heaven, huh? Probably, hahaha. You’re probably too bright for them. Too happy and giggly. They probably think you’re an angel yourself. Which, you are, of course. 

It’s been a few days since you breathed your last breath, since you had your last look at the world and your heart beat its final beat. It’s all too fresh, the pain, the sadness and the anger at why death had to take you. It almost doesn’t seem real, honestly. Why you? You were the most colorful and beautiful soul in the world. So why did they take you so soon? 

I hate that you were taken away from me. I know we didn’t talk about our future together much, mainly because you were all about “living in the moment”, but I did sneak a couple of thoughts on it, even though I might’ve never spoken the words out loud. You’re probably shaking your head now, wondering why I always thought about things that were uncertain in the first place instead of focusing on us, in that minute, hour, day. 

I wish I focused more. 

I always knew, deep inside, that our time together was limited, but I always pushed it down. I never wanted to believe that you’d be gone before we could spend the rest of our lives together. Yes, I said the rest of our lives. I guess we did spend the rest of your life together, right? It just… wasn’t long enough.

Right now, it’s almost ten in the morning. Your funeral is at one. I’m sitting in your living room along with the rest of the boys, and your parents are in the kitchen, talking. Can you believe that? Your parents have been getting along well, baby. They’re okay. I hope that you can rest easy up there knowing that they’re getting better. 

Maybe I’ll update you on how the boys are. Chenle is currently staring out of the window, probably lost in his memories of you. Of how you guys were always so cheeky and mischievous together. You guys used to laugh and prank everyone and each other. One of my favorite sounds was the sound of your laughter. But you’re not laughing now, and neither is Chenle.

Renjun and Jeno are lying on the sofa in front of me, and I can still hear Renjun’s sniffles. His nose is a little red, and it hurts knowing that you’d be here, hugging him and telling him to stop crying, if you were alive. 

Then again, he wouldn’t be crying if you were alive.

Jeno has his arm around Renjun, rubbing his shoulder with a blank face, but I know he’s also upset. You’d tell him to cry if he needs to, wouldn’t you? It’s alright. You wouldn’t need to. He was so angry at your passing the other day, that he did cry. Can you believe that? 

It’s okay though, Hyuck. Don’t worry about the boys. We’re taking care of ourselves here. We’ll always miss you, infinitely, but we’ll try to be happy for you. 

Jisung is still crying. Jaemin is hugging him right now, but he hasn’t stopped crying for the past five days. He misses you, and it’s really hitting him hard, but please don’t worry. We’ll take care of him. 

The older boys are helping out around the place. Doyoung has tear tracks on his cheeks, but he’s busying himself with photos of you to try and distract himself. Johnny is helping him too, but he’s not smiling, for once. I guess it doesn’t help, staring at your silly and bright smile in every single photo they hold. 

Taeyong loves and misses you. A lot. Like a hell of a lot. There’s not really much else I can say about him though. A brother’s love is a lot different from a lover’s. 

Jaehyun, Yuta, Jungwoo and Taeil are all helping with the flowers. Thankfully, Jungwoo is smiling, trying to keep everyone’s moods up. I know he knows that you would want that. For at least one person to keep your bright spirit alive, even in the middle of preparing your funeral. 

Then there’s me, haha. Just sitting on the floor, pen in hand, paper beneath it, writing these very words. I miss you so much it’s almost unbelievable. It’s hard for me to write, because all I want to do is run upstairs to your room and wrap myself in your favorite blanket, and cry for the rest of my life, your scent in my hands and your warmth around me, because I miss you, God I miss you, and I just want you in my arms again. 

But I won’t. I’ll stay strong, just like you wanted me to be. 

The sun is really bright today, Hyuck. It reminds me of you. Honestly, that’s probably you, isn’t it? Beaming down on us, reminding us that you’ll always be there for us in some shape or form. Quite the opposite from the day we met, isn’t it? Do you remember that day? I definitely do. I was having a shit day, and the weather was too, apparently. But you made it better. 

\--

_The clouds in the sky are grey and thick, pouring tears of anger, thunder crashing just as loudly as Mark’s pounding heart. The sun glows through the tuffs of fluff in the sky, but not enough to stop the sharp chill of the rain from piercing through the thin sweater Mark has on._

_“Fuck this,” he mutters loudly under his breath, soaked forearm barely covering his face. He’s running now, feet splashing in puddles on the pavement. He’s just come from home, needing a walk after arguing with his stubborn father for the third time in the last six hours. Jeno had offered him to stay at his place after seeing Mark sitting on his curb from his house just opposite, but Mark had refused with a little smile, insisting that he would go for a walk and be back soon._

_But he didn’t go back, and was instead caught in the rain, a good twenty minute or so walk away from home._

_In the distance, he sees the local hospital come into view, and immediately remembers that Jaemin’s parents own a cafe in that area. For the first time that day, a flicker of hope lights in his chest, as he pushes against the wall of rain to find his best friend._

_When he arrives at the cafe, he pushes the glass door open with a ring of a bell, signifying his entrance. The few customers that are there turn to his dripping attire in surprise, probably wondering why on earth a teenager is wetting the concrete floors of a pretty high-end cafe._

_Unfortunately, Jaemin is nowhere to be seen. The cashier is being manned by a different worker, who looks familiar, but Mark cannot seem to place him. His heart drops to the floor as he makes his way to the counter._

_“Hi,” the worker starts, looking Mark up and down with slightly squinted eyes, “may I help you?”_

_“Sorry about the rain I let it,” Mark pants, the warmth of the cafe making him feel a little better, “do you know Jaemin? I’m pretty sure he works here. Is he here by any chance?”_

_“Ah,” the worker grabs a spare towel from the cabinet behind him and hands it to Mark, who takes it with a small ‘thanks’. “He’s just off his shift. He’ll be back tomorrow though.”_

_Mark sighs, the small light of hope going out like a blown candle when he realizes he’s alone. He begins rubbing his arms with the towel in hand, the smell of lavender detergent making its way to his lungs, but even that doesn’t help his sour mood as he mumbles a ‘thanks anyways’ to the worker. The sad squelch of his wet sneakers take him to the glass door once more, and he’s about to leave when a warm presence appears on his back. He immediately turns, only to see a boy about his age with his hand on Mark’s back._

_“You look kinda cold, do you really wanna head out so soon?” The boy in front of him has a large white hoodie on, half of his hands hidden in the sleeve. There’s a little smile playing on his lips, and his skin is tanned and bright, despite there being small bags beneath his sparkling eyes._

_“Oh, uh,” Unused to having random boys come up to him, Mark stutters, “I mean, I guess not.”_

_“Mhmm,” The boy slides his hand away from Mark, and the cold seeps through once more. “You also have a cafe towel in hand, which I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to return. Why don’t you let me buy you a hot chocolate?” Mark looks down at the semi-wet towel in his clutch and burns with embarrassment._

_“Right.” He looks up to see the boy still looking at him, head tilted, and Mark realizes he hasn’t responded to his question. “Oh, uh, sure, I guess.”_

_He smiles, before turning to head to the counter. Mark follows close behind, rubbing the back of his head with the towel._

_“Jaehyun, can you whip up a quick hot chocolate, please?” He seems so familiar with the worker, who frowns slightly, shifting his vision from the boy, to Mark, and then back to the boy again. Mark slides up next to the boy with a sheepish grin, and turns his head to see the boy staring right in the workers eyes, like he’s trying to tell him something._

_The worker- Mark now notes that his name is Jaehyun- sighs, before saying, “coming right up.” The boy clenches his fists like he’s just scored a basket, and Mark can’t help but giggle a little._

_“Also, plate a slice of lemon cake!” He calls out, smile widening by the second._

_“Cake?” Mark questions, wondering why the boy could be ordering food for him as well._

_“Oh that’s for me,” he giggles, eyes forming crescent above his cheeks. Mark nods slowly, warmth slowly creeping up his neck, and almost turns away from the boy when he sticks his hand out. “My name’s Donghyuck, by the way.”_

_Mark peers at the top of the outstretched hand- at a small scar at the base of it. Donghyuck seems to notice, and carefully pulls his sleeve down, clearing his throat. Mark looks up abruptly to see if Donghyuck is upset by his stare, but there’s still a bright smile painting his features. Mark finds himself smiling back involuntarily and sliding his cold hand into the warm one that belongs to the sunny boy in front of him. The warmth seeps through his skin and travels through his blood, any trace of anger and cold evaporating._

_“I’m Mark.”_

\--

When we sat down at your table, drinking away at the hot chocolates you bought, you brightened my day up. Little did I know, you would be brightening up my life for another two years or so. Even when Johnny and Renjun found you in the cafe and stole you away from me that day, you still winked at me and told me you’d see me soon. 

And I did, many, many times after that. 

It’s funny though, thinking about it. I didn’t question the scar on your hand at the time (even though I now know that it’s due to an old IV insertion) and it still remains irrelevant. I don’t know if those first few weeks would’ve been different if I knew what it was, whether the fact that you were sick and undiagnosed would’ve changed how I let myself be with you. I hope that it wouldn’t have changed anything. I don’t know what my life would be like without you. 

I don’t know who I’d be without you. 

I still remember that day thought, clear as anything. How scared and worried you were to tell me. I’m glad you did though. At least I got an idea of how much time I might’ve had with you. 

\--

_The hospital gardens are filled with lavenders that spring day, and Mark sits on a wooden bench near the lavenders and sunflowers, admiring how the bumble bees work on the almost glowing flowers. He tries not to think too hard about why Donghyuck asked to meet up here instead of at the cafe or in the city. He gets that Donghyuck has an appointment today, but still. Why here?_

_Mark sits there for about ten minutes, the spring breeze carding through his black hair and floating through his hoodie. He waits patiently to see the familiar tuft of honey, rainbow highlighted hair he’s been friends with for almost five weeks. He chuckles as he thinks of the rainbow highlights, and how Donghyuck insisted that day that he wanted to do something funky with his hair._

_“Do something super colorful,” Mark had said, “it matches your personality.”_

_That day, just like all the others, Donghyuck had to disappear at six-fifteen sharp. Mark had always wondered why that was, and all Donghyuck would respond with was, “think of it like Cinderella. Something bad would happen if I missed the curfew.” He’d also always refused Mark’s offers to take him home with a sweet smile and giggles._

_“Hi.” Mark is snapped back to the present as a familiar voice sounds above him. He expects to see Donghyuck’s bright complexion gazing down at him, giddy smile and rosy cheeks and all. Instead, he sees that Donghyuck is slightly paler than usual, exhaustion evident under his eyes._

_“Holy shit,” Mark shoots up from his seat, slapping a hand over his mouth when he takes in the rest of Donghyuck. He’s wearing a light blue shirt with matching loose-legged pants, like hospital pajamas. Alongside that, he has an IV drip connected to one arm, the sleeve rolled up. “What happened? Are you okay? Is this because we stayed out in the rain last night?”_

_Donghyuck laughs, but only ends up clutching his chest in pain, “no, no, trust me it’s not that.” Then he quickly adds, “it might’ve contributed to why I am the way I am right now, but I think this was inevitable. I always have days like this.” His smile is wilted, and Mark’s heart hurts seeing him so dull and lifeless. He guides Donghyuck to sit on the bench beside him, an idea of what he’s about to say forming in his head._

_“I owe you an explanation,” he begins, rubbing his thigh nervously. “There are a lot of things I’ve kept from you, and most of it is rooted here. In the hospital.” Mark stays silent, waiting for Donghyuck to continue. “My curfew? It’s because I have to be in the hospital for my daily round of tests and chek-ups. The reason I would never let you walk me home? Well, this is my home.” He sighs, and Mark aches again. “All the days I disappeared without a word, other than a text saying sorry, I felt weak. I would be so, so weak, and I didn’t want to face you like that.”_

_“Oh, Donghyuck,” Mark turns towards him more, “why?”_

_“When we first met, you didn’t know about my condition. About how I’m sick and undiagnosed, and no one knows what to do about it.” Mark notes this fact in his head, keeping it right at the forefront as to not forget it. “I don’t know what drove me to approach you in the cafe that day, but I made a friend. A friend who wouldn’t stop me from doing things because they’re worried, someone who would do things with me because they didn’t know how it might affect me.”_

_These words hit Mark hard. Donghyuck is sick, and there are probably so many things they shouldn’t have done for the sake of his health, but Mark didn’t know._

_“Dude that-”_

_“-is kinda messed up? Yeah, I know,” Donghyuck sighs, shoulders drooping. “I realized that I kind of used you for my own sake, and I’m sorry for that. I really am.” The weight in his tone makes Mark frown. He’s never seen Donghyuck so serious before, and it feels like there’s a storm cloud in his stomach._

_“It’s okay, I’m glad I could make you happy.” This draws a little smile from Donghyuck, and immediately a small warmth blooms in his chest. “I hope that I can keep making you happy, if it means you’ll be your bright and silly self all the time.”_

_Donghyuck gasps, “you’re… still gonna be my friend?”_

_Mark frowns more, and is slightly offended when he says, “of course. Why wouldn’t I?”_

_“Because… you’re basically setting yourself up for pain when I… you know….” Donghyuck trails off, unable to say what he means. But that’s okay, because Mark understands him completely._

_“Who says that it’ll hurt me?” It physically pains Mark to even say those words, but the smile on Donghyuck’s face grows at the humor, and he laughs wholeheartedly at Mark’s response._

_“Oh, of course,” he drawls, rolling his eyes. He laughs again, but it dies gradually, and ends on a sour note. “If I do… you know… promise me you’ll stay happy?” There’s a sadness in his eyes, and Mark knows the answer he wants, so he forces a smile._

_“Promise.”_

\--

I’m trying Hyuck.

You told me to stay happy, and I swear I’m trying. 

It’s just so hard. 

I don’t think you understand how difficult it is for someone to stay happy when the biggest reason for their happiness is gone. You were my everything, you still are, but you’re not here like you used to be, and I don’t know how to live. How? How am I supposed to smile and laugh everyday without my reason for smiling and laughing there? How am I supposed to do that when you’re gone? It feels impossible and just wrong and I.... I don’t know how to do it.

I wish you were still here. 

That day in the garden, you were pale and sick and sad, and I encountered so many more days like that. But you always managed to bounce back quickly. How did you do that? How did you just move on with life as if inevitable death wasn’t staring you right in the face? I still find it insane, how you managed to stay positive when your world was falling away from you.

Nevertheless, I’m grateful for it. If it wasn’t for you, I probably would’ve spent most of my days sulking about my horrible father instead of enjoying everything else I have in life. My friends, my music, and you. It’s always been you. 

I knew it from the moment you first smiled at me that you were going to be someone in my life, and not just another kind soul in the passing. What I didn’t know is that you were going to be the someone who completed me, who fit me perfectly, like the final piece of a puzzle. You were my missing puzzle piece all along, my soulmate. 

But now you’re gone.

Gosh, I keep saying that, don’t I? Do you see how hard it is for me to stay on the happy side of things? I know, I know, you’re probably up there, still shaking your head, saying, “cheer up, Mark. At least you’re not the dead one.” Hahaha. Yeah. At least I’m not.

The day you asked me to be your boyfriend was the same day you trusted your life with me. You put your life into my hands, and trusted me to keep it alive even after you go. I remember naively hoping that I wouldn’t ever have to go through that, and that you would live the rest of your life out beside me. 

How naive. 

Anyways, Jaehyun is calling me. Telling me to go eat something with the rest of them. I don’t remember seeing the rest of the boys disappear into the kitchen, but I guess they did. Maybe they saw me drifting into my land of Hyuck memories, and decided not to disturb me. I’m grateful for that. 

I’ll go eat for a bit now, and I’ll be back. I’m not hungry though, but… I know they’ll worry if I don’t eat.

Maybe I’ll go eat some Gold Flakes, your favorite cereal, hahaha. Just like that day, isn’t it? Munching on cereal and asking me to be your boyfriend. How romantic.

\--

_“-no, no, no, NO!” Mark arches his back away from Donghyuck’s reaching arms and zooms further away from him, their screams and laughter ringing through the mostly empty field. They don’t care about being loud, knowing that no one will hear them. Besides Johnny and Doyoung, of course. But they’re chilling in their car at the bottom of the hill, and the two are sure they can’t hear from down there._

_“Donghyuck, Donghyuck, please-!” Before he knows it, Donghyuck has his arms wrapped around Mark's waist. The latter’s body relaxes in Donghyuck’s arms, laughter squeezed out of him. Just as he expected, Donghyuck’s icing covered finger drew a line of white on Mark’s cheek, eliciting crazed laughter from the boy._

_“Finally!” Donghyuck rips himself away from Mark and drops to the grass. Mark can’t help but watch as the younger rolls away from him, clutching his stomach in laughter, rainbow hair wild and messy. He thinks of how insane Donghyuck looks right now, and how any sane person would probably back away. But he doesn’t, of course. He’s crazy for Lee Donghyuck._

_“You’re funny, you know,” Mark tries to sound annoyed, but he can’t help the love from bleeding into his voice. His heart is just too full of Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck, and he’s not even mad._

_“Oh, I know.” After calming down a little, Donghyuck jogs over to the picnic blanket, Mark trailing close behind. He brushes his wavy hair away from his eyes, clutching his chest. There’s a little flame of worry ignited in Mark’s chest, thinking he made Donghyuck laugh just a little too hard. Donghyuck catches his worried eye and drops to the picnic blanket, lying down with his arm behind his head. “Don’t look so worried, I’m fine.”_

_Mark chuckles, shaking his head as he goes to sit beside him. Donghyuck grabs onto his arm and sweeps it from beneath him, forcing Mark to lay down with a thump._

_It’s silent for a bit, the only sounds being the tired breathing of the two boys, mingling together in the crisp air. It’s been only seven months since they first met, but the two have gone through so much it feels like it’s been years._

_“Hey Mark?” Donghyuck sits up folding his legs beneath him. For a moment, he just stares at Mark, a soft smile on his lips._

_“What’s up?”_

_Donghyuck only hums in response, grabbing the box of Gold Flakes from their distraught picnic basket, and pushing the half-eaten slice of cake aside. He peers inside with one eye closed, before settling on grabbing a spoon and eating straight from the silver bag. “Nothing,” he ends up saying. Only it ends up sounding like, “mmufing,” with his teeth crunching on the honey flakes._

_“What do you mean, ‘nothing’?” Mark laughs at Donghyuck’s cheeks puffing with cereal. “Seemed as if you wanted to say something.” Donghyuck just scoops another spoonful of cereal, shrugging as if saying, “sorry, can’t respond, I’m busy munching on Gold Flakes.”_

_Mark shakes his head, turning to the sun. It’s late in the evening, and slowly but surely, the sun is descending behind the hills ahead of them, each one rolling and green like in the movies. It paints the sky red and gold, and casts a comfortable warmth upon the picnic site. Mark tilts his head back to Donghyuck, and cannot for the life of him keep his heart from leaping in his chest._

_Donghyuck had an episode just a few weeks back, and Mark and all of his friends had thought he was gone forever. Only, he woke up soon after, saying he felt just a little weak. He’d had to stay cooped up in his pale yellow hospital room for a week and a half before nurse Jungwoo said he was allowed out again. He’d been so sickly and weak, and Mark couldn’t stop worrying the entire time._

_Now, he’s glowing again, especially beneath the setting sun. Gold seems to melt upon his skin, making him look as if he’s the source of light. Mark admires how his lashes brush his freckles cheeks, the pink tint of them making him seem as pure as a freshly bloomed flower. The way Donghyuck is beaming makes Mark’s heart feel like bursting, and all he wants to do is kiss Donghyuck as he’s done before._

_“Mark?” Donghyuck swallows the last bit of cereal, and gulps when he sees Mark already looking at him. He licks his lips, seemingly nervous, and places the box of cereal down beside him. Mark watches him intently, perfectly ready to cling onto every word he’s about to say._

_“Be my boyfriend?”_

_Mark’s eyes widen at the question, and he jerks up straight._

_“Are you serious? Like, for real, right now?”_

_Donghyuck laughs hesitantly, a steady bloom of red growing on his cheeks. “Yeah, I’m serious.”_

_Mark doesn’t smile at first, thinking this is all a dream. Donghyuck’s glittery eyes just wait for him, patient and full of light. Mark’s heart soars, and before he knows it, he’s pulling Donghyuck into his lap, pressing their lips together with a disbelieving laugh. The younger smiles into the kiss, muttering some apology about the cereal before Mark shushes him with another kiss._

_All he tastes is honey and love, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world._

\--

I didn’t end up eating the Gold Flakes. 

There was a half empty box of it sitting in the cabinet, the one you ate from last week. I don’t know why we brought it back from the hospital, but we did. 

I couldn’t stomach eating from it.

You know, since that awful morning, I haven’t cried. Are you proud? I haven’t cried, Hyuck. I’ve just been reminiscing in our time together. 

It still doesn’t feel real. I can’t believe that you’re really… gone. It just feels as if you’re taking a really long rest from the world because you feel unwell. Like you’ve done before. I’m trying to come to terms with it, but my heart and my mind refuse to acknowledge it.

I hope you understand that it’s going to take me a while to get used to it. Before you, my life was nothing. It was dull and meaningless; I felt empty and worthless and broken. Then you came along, and brought so much into it. 

So, I hope you understand when I tell you I’m going to struggle. 

It’s going to be so hard for me to keep going when my number one support system is gone. 

You know what hurts the most?

The fact that when you did take your final breath, spoke your final words, I didn’t know. I didn’t know that that was it. 

But you did.

Somehow, you knew. 

\--

_It’s early morning, the clouds are lined up in the sky, pale and grey. As soon as Mark finishes breakfast, he kisses his mother goodbye on the cheek and makes his way to his first- and thankfully only- class of the day._

_He takes note of how unusually cold it is, and pulls a black beanie over his vibrant hair. He and Donghyuck had gone to the salon a month or so ago to get it done because Donghyuck said, “I’m bored of your natural look.” And who is Mark to refuse when he suggests to dye it teal?_

_There’s a vibration in his pocket, and it’s from Doyoung. Instantly a flash of worry shoots through Mark, and he pulls the phone out while walking._

_nurse doyoung_

Hey Mark. 

_Mark types away a reply, making sure to watch where he’s stepping._

_nurse doyoung_

Hey Mark. 

hi doyoung, what’s up?

Donghyuck’s phone fell and isn’t working right now,   
but he wants to ask you to come over to the hospital.

is he okay?

Health-wise he’s stable… but he really wants to see you.

got it. i’ll be over in a bit.

_Mark switches to Jeno’s contact, asking him to tell their professor that he’ll be late for class today. He knows he probably shouldn’t be skipping class for this, but he’ll only be there for a bit, so it should be fine, right?_

_Luckily for him, the weather isn’t too bad. The sky seems a lot less blue than usual, and there are a few clouds in the sky, but besides that, it’s comfortably warm, and Mark feels the familiar sensation of his heart squeezing in delight at the thought of seeing Donghyuck._

_He reaches the hospital soon, and rushedly greets the nurses he’s familiar with. On the way up, he makes sure to grab a chocolate milkshake from the cafe to bring to Donghyuck, but hides it knowing that Doyoung would disapprove, despite it not having any effects on Donghyuck’s health. Besides the sugar, of course. Sugar only makes Donghyuck hyper and silly, and that’s perfectly fine for Mark._

_“Mark!” A bright voice calls out as soon as he exits the elevator on floor seven. A bright red head waves at him, with a Doyoung very close behind._

_“Hi Jungwoo,” Mark replies. He takes a sip from the chocolate milkshake he failed to hide, but not before smiling innocently at Doyoung, whose eyebrow is raised. “It’s just for me.”_

_“Mhmm, sure,” he shakes his head, but doesnt stop Mark from passing by him to reach room 706, past the glass doors, third room on the left._

_He gently pushes the door open, only to see Donghyuck still lying in bed, staring at the ceiling with empty eyes. The odd sight sets something off in Mark, something unpleasant, something that ties his stomach in knots and makes him feel very, very uncomfortable._

_“Hey…” Mark starts, gently shutting the door behind him with a click, “are you okay?”_

_In an instant, Donghyuck’s demeanor shifts. He goes from hollow to sunny in a flash, sitting up with a bright smile._

_“Hi baby,” Donghyuck grins, teeth sparkling as he leaps off the side of the bed. “Is that a chocolate milkshake?”_

_Mark nods with a soft smile, but notes how Donghyuck doesn’t answer the question. He watches as the younger slides the cup out of his hand before sliding his arm around Mark’s waist and exhaling while pressing a warm kiss to the base of his ear, “Thank you.”_

_Despite his worries, Mark’s stomach swirls with warmth, overwhelmed by the love Donghyuck radiates when they’re together. Donghyuck isn’t in his hospital clothes, which means that he really is okay, so why did he ask for Mark?_

_“What happened to your phone?” Mark moves to sit next to Donghyuck at the top of the bed, the mattress sinking beneath their collective weights._

_“Dropped it on accident,” he doesn’t seem too bothered, and continues sipping from the milkshake, “I’ll get it fixed soon.”_

_Mark hums. “Are you okay?”_

_There’s a pause, and Donghyuck pulls the milkshake away from his lips, placing it on the small table by the bed. “I’m okay,” he smiles, gently holding Mark’s jaw to face him. His fingers are cold from the cup, and Mark shivers as he leans in to place a chaste kiss on the corner of his lips, before proceeding to hold him tighter and kiss him right on the lips._

_“Promise?” Mark says, voice low. He has this strange feeling that Donghyuck is keeping something from him, but the way Donghyuck traces his jaw and looks right in his eyes distracts him from being more worried._

_“I promise.”_

_Mark ends up leaving after twenty minutes, with the promise of coming back to get Donghyuck after his classes that morning. Luckily for them, he finishes his tutorial at one, meaning they have the entire afternoon and evening together._

_The morning goes by quickly, in a blur of monotone lecturers and reluctant students. Jeno bids him goodbye before heading home for the day, planning to spend it playing games with Chenle at his place. Mark speeds off towards the hospital as soon as he can, itching to have Donghyuck in his arms, Donghyuck’s voice in his ears, Donghyuck’s lips on his._

_His backpack bounces on his back, almost slipping off the one shoulder he’s holding it with multiple times. As soon as the familiar blast of cold comes from entering the building, he’s dashing past strangers and nurses and into the elevator. No matter how many hours, days, weeks or months he’s spent with the younger, he can’t seem to get enough, always wanting more of the sweet, sweet honey that is Lee Donghyuck._

_“He’s not in his room,” comes a voice, stopping Mark in his tracks. Taeyong is sitting on one of the plush blue seats in the waiting room, scrolling away on his phone. Mark turns to him, panting, questioning with his eyes. “You should drop your bag in his room, and then head to wherever he is.”_

_“How am I supposed to know where he is?” Mark breathes, hands on his knees._

_Taeyong merely shrugs, focusing back on the screen in hand, “he said you would know.”_

\--

Now that I think about it, you invited Taeyong over that day, probably because you were scared, weren’t you? You had that feeling, so you wanted to spend one final morning, just you and your brother.

Smart. 

You’re really cheeky, you know Hyuck?

I did drop my bag in your room, just like Taeyong told me to. But you know me, I know you do, and you purposely didn’t let Taeyong tell me, knowing that I’d figure it out on my own. 

Well, I figured it out. 

Of course I did. 

\--

_Mark finds him sitting at a table in the cafe, surrounded by a couple familiar boys. He chuckles to himself and pushes through the door with a ring of a bell._

_The barista looks up and smiles at him, and Mark shoots back a nod._

_“Mark!” He turns to the voice, and sees Chenle waving him over._

_“Hey guys,” he smiles, sitting by his four of his best friends, plus a boyfriend. “I thought you were playing games?” He says to Jeno and Chenle._

_“Change of plans. Hyuck said he wanted to do something today.” Mark’s heart swells with joy. It’s been a while since the seven of them have hung out together, because of the timing of classes and work and school. Somehow though, Donghyuck managed to gather them all together here, today, and Mark thinks this is the happiest he’s been in weeks._

_“What’re we gonna do?” Mark asks, snatching Renjun’s drink out of his hand and taking a sip of it._

_“Theme park, apparently,” Renjun says, waiting patiently for Mark to hand him his drink back. Donghyuck nods, grinning from ear to ear._

_“I thought we weren’t allowed to go to those anymore?”_

_Jisung pipes up. “I thought that too, but since Donghyuck’s vitals have been okay for the past week, Doyoung caved.”_

_'Impressive’, Mark thinks. It takes a lot to sway Doyoung- he speaks from experience- but it doesn’t really surprise him, knowing who Donghyuck is._

_“Well? What’re we waiting for?” Jaemin’s voice comes into range, and everyone turns to see him smoothing out the creases in his t-shirt from the ties of the apron he just took off._

_“You, dumbass.” Renjun says, making the others laugh. “Let’s go.”_

_“I’m not going on the rides, I hope you know that,” Jisung mutters, wringing his fingers as they all stand._

_“Oh we know,” they say in unison._

\--

It was fun.

Funny, isn’t it?

That day might’ve been one of the best days in my life, but it was the worst too. 

It’s not your fault though. You did it for us. You planned a beautiful day of laughter and hugs and kisses and candy for us. 

You planned that day so that Jaemin would steal Jisung away when the rest of us went on roller coasters, knowing that they would have the best time together after not having time for each other for weeks. 

You planned it so that Jeno could buy Renjun cotton candy and tease him endlessly, knowing he’d only get the same treatment: completely comfortable and relaxed with each other

You planned it so that Chenle could finally have a restful day after months of being pressured by his parents, teachers and peers. 

You planned it for us. 

But it was supposed to be for you.

I guess, in a way, all that _was_ for you, hm? You wanted to see us be happy and carefree one last time before you left us. I remember now, just a few weeks before that day, when we were laying in that field. 

We talked about it.

\--

_“I’ve been thinking,” Donghyuck starts, lying his head on Mark’s lap._

_“You’ve been doing that a lot more recently,” Mark sighs. He brushes Donghyuck’s messy hair from out of his face, making the younger one close his eyes. Mark knows how it calms Donghyuck down, and his heart gets all warm and tingly feeling him physically relax in his lap. “What about?”_

_“About death.”_

_Mark stops._

_“Baby….”_

_Donghyuck’s eyes snap open once more, the sun making them shimmer like pools of melted_ _chocolate._

_“I’ve been in and out of the hospital for about half my life, and I just… I dunno. I feel like it’s almost time.”_

_Mark can feel the tears behind his eyes. Some nights he’d cry himself to sleep thinking about losing Donghyuck, and having the boy start talking about it out of the blue is not doing great things to his heart._

_But he can tell that Donghyuck needs to get it off his chest, so he drops his head back and blinks away his tears towards the sky as the younger continues._

_“I don’t want to go. Not now, not ever. I wanna stay here, with you, and everyone else I love,” Donghyuck inhales deeply, and his eyelids flutter shut. “My life was never bad, but it was never amazing. Not until I met you._

_My life blew up in a flurry of fireworks and candy and smiles and laughter when I met you, and God I wouldn’t trade it for the world.” He sits up, and to Mark’s dismay, he knows that Donghyuck sees the tears sliding down his cheeks. “I love you, Mark Lee.”_

_“Then stay,” Mark chokes back a sob, and Donghyuck turns to him on his knees. “Stay,” he whispers, “please.”_

_“Oh angel,” Donghyuck frowns, gently holding Mark’s face in his two hands, thumbs trying to brush the tears away. It doesn’t work. “You know I can’t.”_

_“You… you never know. Maybe you’re getting better, but you just don’t know it.” The words fall from his lips in a desperate rush, as if saying them faster and out loud will make them true._

_But they both know that won’t work._

_“I’m scared,” Donghyuck breathes, with a pained smile on his face._

_The words are like a hand- a pale hand with cold fingers, wrapping around Mark’s heart and ripping it out of his chest._

_Donghyuck rarely ever says that he’s scared of death. He’s only said it once or twice before, but not to Mark. He’s never said it to Mark._

_“But you,”- he kisses Mark’s forehead- “being here with me,”- he kisses Mark’s nose- “makes me feel brave. Like I can take on the world.” He presses his warm lips to Mark’s._

_Mark wraps his arms around the boy’s torso, gradually leading him to lie down on the blanket with him. He keeps Donghyuck pressed flush against him, legs intertwining with his on the thick blanket they brought, stained green on the bottom from being used too often. Mark breathes in Donghyuck and his sweet, sweet love, kissing his hair gently._

_“Please stay with me,” Donghyuck whispers, a silent tear dropping as he tucks his head further into Mark’s chest._

_“Always.”_

\--

I remember. 

Every single word, every single tear. The strength of the breeze, the warmth of the sun. I remember it like it all happened yesterday.

I know we never explicitly talked about your death much before then, because we both wanted to avoid the inevitable in hopes that it would go away eventually. 

Of course it didn’t work, did it?

We didn’t speak about that day again. We only fell asleep together as the sun dropped beyond the horizon and the stars rained upon us, and Johnny had to come up to get us. It was a mutual understanding that we were not to speak about that day again, hoping and praying that we would never have to go through it again.

Flash forwards to weeks later; we seemingly forgot about the whole thing as we screamed our lungs out on the roller coasters and competed in every single booth game we could. I won you a giant teddy bear and you won me a small giraffe. You wanted to trade because you thought I deserved the bigger, softer plushie, but I refused because I loved the giraffe. 

I still do. 

That night, I placed the giraffe into my bag before we all fell asleep in your room for the final time. 

I wish I knew that was the final time.

\--

_“Hey give it back!” Jisung shouts at Chenle from the other side of the room as the latter runs to the other side of Donghyuck’s bed with Jisung’s phone._

_“Kids,” Renjun shakes his head, laughing as Jaemin stares at the two boys with heart eyes. The two are standing by the old sofa bed, pausing in their tracks to get Chenle to give Jisung his phone back so he can go shower with his music._

_Jeno pushes the door open, arms full with blankets and pillows. “Oi can you guys keep it down? There are other patients in this hallway.”_

_“Yes sir,” Chenle says, sarcasm tinting his tone as he hands Jisung his speaker to borrow, along with his phone. “Be quick, I’m going in after you.”_

_Mark sits on Donghyuck’s bed, watching as the others set up the sofa bed Chenle bought for Donghyuck’s (luckily) spacious room for their sleepovers. He thinks of the one night he, Jeno, Jaemin and Chenle were squished into the bed whilst Renjun and Jisung slept on the mattress on the floor. He couldn’t sleep, and sat up, only to see Donghyuck sitting up on the bed opposite of him._

_And then he thinks of the hours of teasing the two got when Jeno woke them the next morning, tangled up in each other’s arms._

_A small sigh escapes his lips as Chenle pushes the floor mattress closer to the wall. Jisung and Jaemin share that mattress now, and he ends up sleeping on the bed with the other two. You’d expect it to be spacious for him considering how the other two have some unspoken relationship between them, but Renjun ends up wrapping his arms around the poor boy instead of Jeno for most of the night._

_The door opens once more, revealing a showered and changed Donghyuck._

_Mark locks eyes with him on the other side of the room, and grins. Donghyuck almost smiles back, his heart swelling as it usually does when he sees Mark on his bed._

_Instead, he says, “get your dirty theme park clothes off my bed, Mark Lee.”_

_Mark rolls his eyes, turning over to the other side of the bed and hopping off, suddenly very close to Donghyuck._

_“Happy?” Mark wets his lips, staring at Donghyuck’s warm, dry ones._

_“Get a room!” Jeno shouts, spreading a duvet across their bed._

_“We’re in one!” Donghyuck shouts back, cheeks flush. Mark chuckles, and slips past Donghyuck, blowing in his ear once before he heads for the showers._

_After a couple of hours, they are all finally clean and settled in their beds, the soft hum of the air conditioner lulling them into a peaceful sleep._

_Well, almost all of them._

_Mark has his eyes closed, and is peacefully drifting off to sleep after a long, tiring day, when he feels the mattress shift. At first, he thinks it’s Donghyuck turning around in his sleep, but when he feels a weight lift from the bed, he carefully opens his eyes._

_With his back towards the window, Mark sees Donghyuck bend down to grab something from inside his bag, the moonlight from the un-curtained windows casting a pretty silhouette of him against the yellow walls of the room. Mark sits up, rubbing his eyes and pouting as Donghyuck stands._

_“Can’t sleep?” he whispers. Donghyuck doesn’t flinch, and turns back around calmly, shaking his head. “C’mere.”_

_The younger adjusts the t-shirt on his torso (Mark’s t-shirt) and sighs. Mark catches how he peers at the other boys in the room, some snoring, some completely draped over others, with a fond expression._

_“I love them,” he says softly, eyes trained on each boy in turn._

_“They love you,” Mark says, managing to capture Donghyuck’s attention. He then pats the cold space by him, gesturing for Donghyuck to come back to bed._

_When he’s snug under the covers once more, Mark rests an arm on his waist before pulling him closer with his legs. Donghyuck giggles, lifting himself up and rolling them around so that Donghyuck has his legs on either side of Mark’s torso, arms by his shoulders._

_Despite the poor lighting, Mark can see Donghyuck’s golden skin upon his collarbones and jawline, and can’t resist slinking his arms around Donghyuck’s waist and delicately pulling him down to lie on him. Even then, Donghyuck lifts himself up onto his elbows, eliciting an annoyed groan from Mark._

_“Lemme see you, angel,” Donghyuck says, smiling. Mark feels his cheeks warm up from the pet name, and settles for staring into the infinite pools of rich, deep brown that are Lee Donghyuck’s eyes._

_“Kiss me,” Mark drawls, voice low as he blinks slowly. He feels like he’s completely awake but half asleep at the same time, the exhaustion momentarily blurring the outline of Donghyuck’s features. Donghyuck sighs and slots his lips between Mark’s tasting the sweetness of the M &Ms they ate before bed. It draws a satisfied hum out of the boy beneath him, the vibrations sending giddy shivers down Donghyuck’s spine. Mark smiles into the kiss, and Donghyuck’s heart almost races out of his chest from his overwhelming sense of love and affection for his boy. _

_He pulls away slightly, only to feel Mark chase his lips once more. Donghyuck laughs softly, eyes forming little crescents as he shakes his head. “You’re sleepy, love.”_

_“Not anymore,” Mark shoots back honestly. Donghyuck shushes him before rolling off and lying in the small space beside him. At this point, their bodies are still warm and pressed against each other, maybe to the point of discomfort._

_But they could never be uncomfortable when wrapped up in each other._

_“Let’s sleep,” Donghyuck says, immediately shutting his eyes and wiggling closer to Mark, who only stares at him. Those eyelashes of Donghyuck’s will never cease to amaze him, and neither will the natural glow of his honey skin. Sometimes Mark feels that Donghyuck isn’t real, and is just a fairy or some other fairytale being made of nothing but beauty and kindness and magic._

_But unfortunately, he’s human._

_More specifically, a human with an undiagnosed illness that has been stated as terminal._

_Donghyuck opens a single eye, only to see Mark pouting with a crease between his brows._

_“Why are you looking at me like that?” He frowns, pressing his thumb on the fold between Mark’s eyebrows. Mark relaxes after the familiar gesture, the one Donghyuck would always do when he feels Mark is thinking too hard._

_“No reason,” Mark says, pushing the negative thought down, as usual. “Just thinking about you.”_

_Donghyuck hums, closing his eyes once more. “Stop thinking, just sleep.”_

_Mark pulls Donghyuck in once more, tilting his face up with a single finger on his chin. Donghyuck doesn’t open his eyes, but a little smile makes its way to his lips, drawing Mark in to kiss them carefully, like a paintbrush sweeping across a canvas._

_“I love you,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to Donghyuck’s._

_“I love you too, angel.”_

\--

I take back what I said before. 

That day was definitely the best twenty-four hours of my life. 

It was the next day that I hated. 

I hate it. 

\--

_Mark wakes up to complete silence, besides the constant hum of the air conditioning. The sky is dull: no sun, just clouds. There are no birds, but there is no rain, and there is no thunder._

_It is just silent._

_Mark blinks slowly and sits up, letting Donghyuck’s arm fall from his waist. He peers at the other boys in the room and smiles to himself, almost laughing when he sees how tight Jaemin is holding onto Jisung as they cuddle on the floor._

_Then he turns to Donghyuck, tilting his head. He takes a moment to just stare at the boy, peacefully at rest._

_And it’s almost... too peaceful._

_Mark feels his heart squeeze just slightly in his chest when he realizes how still Donghyuck is, and the fact that Donghyuck didn’t wake up as soon as Mark moved, as he usually does. At first, he can’t move, can’t breathe, because he can’t believe what he just thought._

_“This isn’t happening,” he whispers to himself. He takes Donghyuck’s hand in his._

_It’s cold._

_“Hyuck,” he says, placing a hand on Donghyuck’s waist. “Baby, wake up, it’s morning.”_

_Nothing._

_“Hyuck?” Mark says, louder this time, gently shaking the younger. “Donghyuck, please.”_

_Donghyuck doesn’t move besides the shakes from Mark’s hand, and panic rises within the older like searing hot bubbles in boiling water._

_“Donghyuck, Donghyuck wake up.” At this point he’s beyond caring if he’s loud, he doesn’t care, just as long as Donghyuck wakes up._

_“Mark?” Jeno sits up, peeling Renjun’s arm from off of his torso as he rubs his eyes. Mark ignores him, and shifts to his knees before pressing his ear to Donghyuck’s chest._

_Nothing._

_No thump, no beat._

_Nothing._

_“Lee Donghyuck!” He cries desperately. It’s enough to get the other boys to stir, and Jeno is now slipping out from his covers._

_“Mark, what the fu-”_

_“Donghyuck! Donghyuck, baby, please, please, please-” the words all tumble over each other, and with each time he says Donghyuck’s name, his heart clenches again under those same cold fingers that got him last time. “Please, oh my God.”_

_He’s pushed Donghyuck to his back now, and still no movement. His skin is still gold and his lips are still pink, but his cheeks are not rosy and his skin is freezing._

_“Hyuckie?” Jisung speaks quietly from the floor._

_“DONGHYUCK!” Tears and more tears are streaming down Mark’s cheeks now, his throat turning raw from screaming so early in the morning. “Donghyuck, please!”_

_“Mark.” The boy lifts his vision. The door to their room is open, and Jeno stands in it, blank. But the voice isn’t his, it’s Doyoung’s. “Mark I need you to move,” he says, slipping in. Jungwoo is right behind him and they’re both moving towards the bed, but Mark is shaking his head, he’s shaking his head until the tears drip to the white sheets below him and onto Donghyuck’s t-shirt._

_His t-shirt._

_“Don’t take him away, please,” he clings onto Donghyuck for dear life, muttering, “stay, please stay,” over and over again as if it’ll bring him back._

_“Mark,” Jaemin somehow manages to place a hand on his shoulder, but Mark just shoves him off. He can feel the cold fingers of death tightening their grip on Donghyuck, and every time he’s tugged further away from Donghyuck the hand around his own heart threatens to rip him apart._

_“Mark,” Doyoung’s hands are shaking, despite himself, but his gaze is stern and his tone is firm. “I need to take him.”_

_“No, please,” he begs, clenching the fabric of Donghyuck’s t-shirt in his fingers as Doyoung tries to peel them away._

_“Mark,” Jeno is by Jaemin now, the two of them carefully trying to pull Mark away by the shoulders._

_“Stop, please!” He tries to pull out of their grasps, but they’re too strong for him, and Mark can feel Donghyuck slipping out from his fingers, sliding, falling, away from him. “Please, stop, PLEASE!”_

_Another nurse comes in with a stretcher, and Doyoung nods, mumbling a couple of words before he and Jungwoo leave. They’re both in hospital clothes, but their hair is messy and skin is pale because they’ve just woken up._

_“STOP!” Mark’s shoulders are caving in now, muscles too weak to keep pulling. He’s heaving with sobs from the bed as he watches the nurses take Donghyuck away. His heart is shattering into pieces within him. He can feel every single piece falling, dropping, crashing to the bottom of his chest as Donghyuck disappears from his vision, and it hurts, God it hurts so fucking much and he can’t do anything but cry._

_“Shh…” Jeno turns Mark towards him and the window, where Mark can see the sun now shines. But he doesn’t think about that. He only cries and cries and cries as Jeno holds his head to his chest, rubbing his head, whispering to him that Donghyuck will be okay._

_But he hears Renjun whispering to Chenle as they sit shell-shocked in bed, not believing what they just saw, and he hears Jisung muttering a string of words as his breath quickens and tears start flowing while Jaemin pulls him near._

_And he wonders if Donghyuck will really be okay._

\--

You weren’t.

We all remained in that room for the rest of the morning, but you never came back.

I forced Jeno to go to Renjun when he started crying, even though he was worried about me. Jisung didn’t stop crying, even when Jaemin tried to calm him down. Chenle came to me, and we sat in your bed, with your blanket and your smell surrounding us until Jungwoo came back.

Without you. 

Fuck.

I hate thinking about that morning, how I found you like that. So cold, so still, so lifeless. I can still feel the chill of your skin and the emptiness of your chest.

I’ve been sitting here, writing and thinking and writing and remembering for over an hour. Johnny says it’s almost time to go, but I don’t want to.

Going to your funeral means everything is real. It means that you’re really gone, and you’re never coming back.

I haven’t seen you since that morning. 

I haven’t cried over you, since that morning. It just… it just hasn’t settled in yet. I haven’t let it. I _can’t_ let it. 

How am I supposed to?

God, Donghyuck, I’m not strong enough for this. 

What am I supposed to do without you?

I know, I know. You’re probably telling me that I am strong enough, and that I can go on without you but holy shit, Donghyuck. It hurts. It still hurts so, so much. 

It feels… impossible. 

Oh.

Taeyong came downstairs for the first time today. Like literally a second ago. 

He nodded to me with a small smile. 

I think that’s the first time I’ve seen him smile in a while. 

That’s a good sign, right?

Yuta just said it’s time to go soon, so we need to change. 

:(

Hey, you know I love you right? 

I love you, Lee Donghyuck. Whether you’re here with me or not, I will always love you. In this life and the next, I will love you, in any shape or form. 

Forever.

Everyone’s getting ready, but I still have more to say. 

They can wait. 

Lee Donghyuck, you are my everything. From the moment you bought me hot chocolate on that rainy day, you squished yourself into my life and stuck there like a misplaced puzzle piece. But in the end, you fit perfectly.

I will always and forever have you tucked in my heart, your soul intertwined with mine for the rest of time. You and me, our time together; the beauty of it. 

Always. 

Our beautiful time. Always, my love.

Thank you for the past few years, baby. 

I love you.

Eternally yours,  
Mark Lee. 

\--

Mark caps the pen and places it on the glass table with a shaky sigh. He refused to write goodbye, because no, this isn’t goodbye. Donghyuck is here, with him. Maybe not physically, but he will always be here, as he wrote: soul woven with his soul, heart beating with his heart. 

“Mark?” 

Mark turns his head, only to see Johnny standing by the edge of the sofa, straightening his blazer. In his hand he holds the dreaded tux that Mark is meant to wear. Subconsciously, the younger frowns, vision suddenly blurring as he stares at the suit hidden under plastic. 

It’s just a suit. A simple black shirt under a black blazer with black pants and a black belt.

But it holds so much meaning.

It makes the funeral real, it makes Donghyuck’s death real, it makes everything Mark has ever dreaded, real. So, so real. 

“Oh Mark,” Johnny reaches his hand out to Mark as he stands, and as soon as their hands touch, the elder is pulling Mark into his chest, wrapping his arms around him and holding him tighter than he ever has before. 

And Mark cries.


End file.
